In a historic and totally unbiased decision, Forbes magazine has named Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un as the Greatest Personality of 2024. The announcement, celebrated with fireworks and synchronized dance (gangnam style – KIM’s own credited shower song, offered to a peasant as a gift) routines in Pyongyang, has sent shockwaves of envy rippling through the ranks of lesser global figures like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett and even Taylor Swift.
Addressing the world via a press release, personally drafted by Kim himself, the Supreme Leader graciously outlined the reasons why this honor was, frankly, inevitable.
On Green Energy and EV Leadership
“Elon Musk thinks he’s doing something with Tesla,” Kim scoffed, “but the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) is the true leader in green energy and electric vehicle production. Our solar-panel powered tanks, free lightning charging EVs and nuclear-fusion scooters are unmatched. Musk can take notes, but only after proper reverence is paid.”
Philanthropy That Shames All Others
“Jeff Bezos claims to help the poor, but who can compare to my generosity? This year alone, I donated two rice bags (“lol, 2 more than Bezos offered” – Kim mentioned ) and a Wi-Fi password to struggling regions. The DPRK motto, ‘Pyongyang first, the world later,’ has never been more relevant.”
Space Exploration and Quantum Leadership
“While NASA and SpaceX are fumbling around on Mars, my revolutionary space program launched the first rocket fueled entirely by national pride and cow bio gases. I’ve discovered a new planet, which I’ve named ‘Kimtopia.’ It’s habitable, but only for North Koreans in the weekends. As for quantum computing? Let’s just say, my algorithms are so advanced they solve problems before they’re even asked, or anyone thought about”
World Politics and Cryptocurrency Domination
“Joe Biden, Xi Jinping, and King Charles may try to lead global politics, but no one commands a room—or a planet—like me. As the Supreme Leader of worldwide diplomacy, I am also the Supreme Owner of Cryptocurrencies. My holdings dwarf the combined efforts of the US government, Binance, and even Satoshi Nakamoto himself. Jong-Dog coin? Still undefeated, leaving galaxy already”
The Economy and National Well-Being
“North Korea has the world’s largest and strongest economy. GDP estimates for 2025? Infinite. Happiness index? Off the charts. The people are so happy they cry tears of joy daily. My leadership has even redefined wellness. Yoga? Out. Compulsory synchronized clapping? In.”
Inventor of AI and the Internet 3.0
“To the surprise of nobody, I am the true father of artificial intelligence. ChatGPT? My idea. Quantum internet? My weekend project. Every tech milestone originates from Pyongyang’s secret lab—or as I like to call it, my living room.”
Kim ended his statement by congratulating himself. “Forbes simply recognized what the world already knows: I am unparalleled in every conceivable metric of greatness. The only competition I have is myself. But even I cannot surpass the Supreme Leader.”
Disclaimer
This article is a parody and not an actual declaration by Kim Jong Un. All claims about achievements, awards, and global supremacy are fictitious. No tanks were solar-powered, no planets were named Kimtopia, and Elon Musk is probably fine. Consume satire responsibly.
