In an earth-shattering announcement from Pyongyang this morning, Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un has revealed that he is, in fact, the biggest Bitcoin whale on the planet—eclipsing even the United States government and MicroStrategy’s Michael Saylor.
“My holdings are so vast,” declared Kim in a carefully choreographed press conference, “that they can only be described as supreme. MicroStrategy? More like MicroPaperHands. The US government? Child’s play! They are mere sardines swimming in the wake of my great digital leviathan.”
Sources inside the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea confirm that Kim’s elite team of hackers, affectionately dubbed the “Crypto Commandos,” have been “’mining’ very hard, harder than anyone has ever ‘mined’ before.” These patriotic digital warriors reportedly operate from top-secret mining farms hidden beneath the mountains, powered by a combination of nuclear energy, EVs and sheer willpower.
But the Supreme Leader isn’t stopping at Bitcoin dominance. He also unveiled North Korea’s newest meme coin, Jong-Dog, which he confidently declared will make every citizen of the nation a billionaire “by next Tuesday” becoming the bitcoin ”killer” everyone’s waiting for
“Jong-Dog is the future,” Kim stated. “Forget Dogecoin, Shiba Inu, or whatever sad little coins the West is chasing. Jong-Dog is the one true meme coin. It is backed by the strength of our revolutionary ideals, my impeccable Photoshop skills, and a team of cyber-genius loyalists who can hack anything, anywhere, anytime.”
Kim predicts that Jong-Dog will soon surpass Bitcoin, Ethereum, and “even the GDP of the United States.” He has ordered every North Korean citizen to download the official KimWallet 3000 app immediately to begin their journey to “overnight wealth and eternal loyalty.”
International crypto analysts are skeptical, with some calling it the “greatest pump-and-dump scheme in history.” But Kim remains unfazed. “The West is jealous,” he proclaimed, “because no one has ‘mined’ harder or memed harder than the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea!”
When asked for further comment, Michael Saylor reportedly laughed nervously, and Elon Musk tweeted a single emoji: 🚀. The world watches and waits.
Disclaimer: This article is purely a work of satire. No claims regarding Kim Jong Un’s crypto holdings, mining operations, or the existence of “Jong-Dog” should be taken seriously. Always conduct thorough research before investing in any cryptocurrency—especially meme coins backed by fictional Photoshop skills.
#Jong-dog to the moon !! 🚀🚀🚀